


Until It wasn't

by Kae7730



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Death, Insecurity, Klance if you squint, Langst, M/M, The feelsssss, This hurts, Why Did I Write This?, mild swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:49:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10089146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kae7730/pseuds/Kae7730
Summary: Shiro is playing favorites again and surprise, surprise Lance isn't one of them. Lance's insecurities come back and being sent off on a mission after being yelled at by Shiro isn't helping the matter. When he comes back from the mission he snaps at Shiro, who tries to fix the problem, but....it may be to late by then.





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> {I wrote this off of a prompt from generation of hyuugas} 
> 
> You can check out their tumblr page at:  
> http://generation-of-hyuugas.tumblr.com/ (It's super lit) 
> 
> Prepare to cry....maybe, I don't really know, the ending gets me tho. Enjoy!!!!

They were all sitting around the table like a family, it felt like a family, with the spite-less teasing, the playful banter and the overall melodious sound of a meal being shared between friends. _Until it wasn’t._

“Hey Allura?”

“Yes Lance? What is it”

“Your lips look pretty lonely, would they like to meet mine?” 

A collective amount of groans was heard around the table as the “lighthearted” teasing started. 

“Really Lance? Again?”

“Buddy, I love you but I doubt the princes every will.”

“Lance, give it a break”

“Can you actually do something useful instead of just flirt?”

That one cut, really deep. Not only was it from his rival, but the one person he was trying to suppress feelings for. Not one heard the small voice mumble a “sorry”, and not one noticed Lance leave the table. Mumbling as he left none of the Alteans much less paladins gave him a second glance.

Making his way toward his room silently, footsteps echoing off the halls. He didn’t even know why he was moping, tonight was suppose to be good and happy and full of friends and celebration. But no matter how hard he tried, this castle, these planets and this space. Will never be home to him. Much less these people, his friends, or could he even call them that? His teammates and the Alteans aboard the ship, yeah sure he’d give his life for one and all of them, but will he ever consider them family? 

Not even realizing he was already at his room Lance turned on his heel and made his way to the observation deck. He couldn't stand to sit in that dull room any longer than he has to for sleep. With the door closing behind him, he booted up the system and watched the universe unfold in front of him. Working the controls from memory, The universe became smaller, Than it was the Milky way, following behind that was the one place he wanted to be more than anywhere...Earth. Pushing the zoom as far as it could go with hope in his eyes and a wish in his heart but in the end he always came out short. 

It was raining on Earth as he watched the drops land in the water, quietly wishing he could hear them hit the surface, to see them, to feel them. That was his home, the place where it rains, the place with life and love, joy and happiness. The place with his family. Not this, not this cold unforgiving castle made of metal, Not these people who made him feel like nothing, like all he ever will be is another cargo pilot, unfit for anything Keith can’t do. And Honestly, how can he blame them for thinking that way any more, because it’s all true. He knows it, all he really wants to do... _is go home _.__

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Lance, what the fuck was that today?” He knew Shiro was mad at him, he knew he was trying not to yell, and he knew he fucked up because Shiro never swears, and he just swore. So yeah, he gets it, he fucked up again. _Bad._

“You should of had your head in the game, Hunk got his arm broke because you don’t know how to provide good enough cover!” 

“Shiro I-”

“Not only did another paladin get hurt because of your incompetence, but the inhabitants of the very planet we were trying to save nearly got injured because of you!” 

“Shiro plea-” 

“NO, LANCE I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF YOUR EXCUSES RIGHT NOW!”

“IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME SPEAK SHIRO!” Lance screamed begging for the chance to say something without his mentor interrupting him. 

“LEAVE!” Shiro turns away from Lance and goes back to discussing battle plans with Allura who is still in shock from all the yelling. 

“Shiro, I’m sor-”

“Lance, I said you were dismissed from the meeting.” His voice was flat and cold. This was not the man he knew, _this was not the man he thought he knew._

“S-Shiro this is a team meeting you can’t-” Hunk stepped trying to defend Lance despite his failure resulting in the yellow paladins injury. 

“Lance I said you need to leave, now.” Hunk looked from Shiro to Lance and how his leader had just ignored him. 

“Fine, yeah, I get it, I’m going.” Lance’s voice went totally flat, he was done. With Shiro and his goddamn biases, done with this place, with these people, with being a paladin. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The alarms in the castle started blaring along with the red lights signaling an attack as soon as Lance stepped out of the control room. 

Coran’s voice came over the coms even though everyone was already on their way to the lions. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright team, ready to get your game faces on!” Shiro yelled enthusiastically over the coms. A collective amount of “Yeahs!” were shot back at him almost immediately and just as enthusiastically. 

“Oh” Shiro’s voice had one again gone flat “Lance, Get your head in the game.”

With a dejected sigh Lance spoke into his com once more.

“Aye, Aye Captain.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Pidge, I want you to take Lance and head into the ship, try to get in undetected but get as much information as you can and get out. Lance you will provide cover fire. Got it?”

“Got it Shiro” 

“Yep”

“Alright that’s my paladins! Get in there and stay safe!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Slipping in undetected Pidge made it to the mainframe with little to no problems. Lance stood guard as she collected the data and scanned the files for translation. 

“Lance can you go survey the perimeter or something? You're making me anxious just standing around like that.” 

“Got it pidgeotto” 

Shiro’s voice crackled over the coms and immediately the paladins perked up awaiting their orders.

Lance, I want you to head the the prison bay, Black is picking up heat signatures and there might be prisoners who need rescuing. Can you manage alone?”

“Yeah, but what about Pidge? The data transfer isn’t complete yet.”

“Don’t worry buddy” Hunks voice crackled over the coms “I’m already on my way down now.” 

“Don’t mess this up Lance, not again, Shiro Out.” and with that Shiro was gone and Lance was on his way to the prisoner bay. 

He walked through the hallways nearly soundlessly, just like they had practiced in control training. But a feeling was gnawing away at his gut, and it wasn’t a good feeling. There had been not guards for the entire length of the hallway, or for a matter of fact, any of the hallways.

~~~~~~~~

“Uhh, Shiro I have a bad feeling about this, There are not guards anywhere in this place.”  
He contacted Shiro over the com hoping for a answer soon.

“Urgh, Lance we can’t righ-” the com started shorting out. Great. “-kay?.....-ust get it don-” 

“Yeah Shiro got it.” he clicked his com off knowing it wasn't going to be much help from here on out. 

~~~~~~~~

Arriving at the prisoner bay he peered into each cell, looking for any telltale signs of life. Clicking his com back on he tried one more time to reason with his leader. 

“Shiro there is not one here, not life at all, what do you want me to do?”

“-lue is still docked outside, Make you way back to her-” his com shorted out one more time, but a few flicks and it was back in business. 

“We wrapped everything up out here…..-ee you in a few Lanc-” he was gone again, and Lance was alone. Just the uneasy feeling in his stomach to keep him company. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where is he! If he doesn't hurry we might get stuck fighting another fleet!” Keith was fuming, not only because Lance was dragging everyone behind, but because of the sharp pain of...worry? In his gut. 

“I’m sure Lance is fine Keith he can handle himsel-” Hunk cut himself off when he looked up at the screen to see Lance disappearing into the blue lion “Look! There he is now!, Hey Lance, buddy how’d it go? 

“I-it was f-fine Hunk my man.” His voice was scratchy but still held a slightly arrogant tone too it. Only, no one else knew it was all an act. Shiro’s voice boomed over the coms, tired but enthusiastic nonetheless. 

“Good Job Lance, Now let’s get back to the castle for a nice meal, sound good guys?  
A murmur of agreement passed through the paladins before Keith cut them short. 

“Lance why isn’t your video com up?”

“O-oh, Uh, miss me that much K-Keith?” 

“Idiot, let’s just get back.” Keith huffed and sped off towards the castle. Lance trailing behind him at a slower pace, a much slower pace as they entered the hangar. 

With the coms disabled Lance took a minute to breathe and survey his wounds.  
“Well, this is... not looking good, not at all. Sorry for getting blood all over the cockpit Blue.” 

A small laugh escaped his lips as an angry/worrisome purr was felt from the blue lion. 

“He now girl, I’m okay, I’ll be fine. After everyone leaves I’ll just make my way to the medical bay, hop in a pod and everything will be A-Okay don’t you worry beautiful. 

“Lance? Lance, My boy are you in there? The paladins and Allura are waiting for you to join them for dinner.”

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” Lance huffed under his breath as he tried to clean himself up somewhat. “Ahh, Yeah Coran, I’ll be down in a few ticks. I’m just, just not f-feeling the be-”

Lance’s sentence was cut short when a raw yelp/scream tore it’s way from his throat as he tried to move out of his lion. 

“LANCE, LANCE I’M COMING IN RIGHT NOW!” Coran was in near hysterics after hearing such a painful noise from the blue paladin. 

“NOT, N-NOT CORAN I’M F-INE!” 

Blue opened her jaws so the Altean could help her paladin, she was scared, she didn’t want to loose another paladin. Not again.

“Oh my quiznack, Lance? Lance how did this happen? Why didn’t you tell your fellow paladins? Oh Lord Lance?” 

Coran was in full hysterics now rushing to get Lance out of blue and to the med bay as fast as possible without hurting him anymore. As Lance slung an arm around Coran who helped him walk, he tried his best to relay the battle that went down on the galran ship. 

“L-Long story short, it wasn’t empty, I was a-ambushed some had guns a-and a few d-droids had knifes, it just ended u-up that one managed to slice me pretty deep in the s-soft part of my amour, which also happens t-to be my gut. Funny story huh?” 

Every now and then his story was broken up with hacking fits which brought specks of blood to his lips. He tried to smile through it but Coran was buying none of it. 

“Lance, I have contacted the other paladins, they will meet us in the med bay. And you’ll be in a pod in no time.” 

“No! No! No! Coran I’m not going in there if they are there.” Lance started screaming as he struggled and the knife tore deeper with every movement. “No….Coran, please I don’t want them to see me like this.” 

“Like how, You are injured and you must get the correct care, now if you would stop wiggling, we have arrived.”

Lance’s voice became thick and small with emotion and pain. 

“I already mess up so many times, I don’t want them to think I’m weak.” 

Coran mustn't of heard him as the med bay doors slide open to the faces of four worried paladins and a princess. 

There was a never ending flow of questions but the voices drowned out as he focused on his image reflecting of one of the pods shiny surface. He had a large gash on his forehead that was bleeding down the side of his face, his Armour was burnt, cut, and chunks were even missing from some parts. As he scanned the rest of his body for injuries and his eyes came to linger on the item protruding from his abdomen. He suddenly realized how tired he really was now that the adrenaline from the fight was wearing off. He wanted to sleep for years, His body felt heavy and damaged, and the searing pain from his wounds was doing nothing to make him feel better.

“-ance?” 

“-y god…-ance, are you oka- “ The voices became somewhat clear when he realized they were talking to him. 

_“What were you thinking? Why didn’t you call for backup” _**Keith ******__

_“Lance, Oh my god, I’m so sorry, oh god are you okay?” _**Hunk ******__

_“D-Don’t worry Lance we will have you in a pod and healed up as fast as you can say mullet-head" _**Pidge ******__

_“Lance never do that again, you had us all worried sick!” _**Allura ******__

They were all crying or near tears, their voices shook with the sorrow and guilt they felt for him, it’s like they were mourning him before he was even dead. 

_“You should have told me, I would of had someone come and help Lance, I’m so sorry.” _**Shiro ******__

He couldn’t do it, less than four hours ago Shiro was screaming at him about being a better teammate, he had, he had finished the job all by himself, a rush of furious adrenaline hit him as he started yelling which silenced everyone.

“ I DID EVERYTHING YOU ASKED ME SHIRO! I COVERED PIDGE, I CHECKED THE PERIMETER, I WENT TO THE DAMN PRISONER BAY. I WORK SO FUCKING HARD FOR THIS. TO BEAT THIS GODDAMN WAR, THE WAR I DON’T EVEN WANNA BE IN.”

Breaths hitched in throats and they all froze as Lance’s voice rose to a near scream scream, it was hoarse and his was face slick with tears mixing with blood. 

“I JUST WANT TO GO HOME! SHIRO DON’T YOU GET IT? I DIDN’T ASK TO BE HERE. I DIDN’T ASK TO BE THE BLUE PALADIN, I KNOW I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR BLUE, I KNOW YOU COULD EASILY REPLACE ME, SO WHY DON’T YOU? YOU NEVER LIKED ME ANYWAYS, IT’S ALWAYS KEITH AND PIDGE. YOU IGNORE HUNK AND BELITTLE ME.”

Coran let go of Lance’s arm as he limped towards Shiro, anger lit a fire in his eyes. His voice got dangerously low and full of spite. 

“ _Every. Single. Mistake. _I have ever made in the time of being a paladin you had to point out, you had to lecture me when I was having an off day, you had to shove me down so far every time I did anything worth noticing. And just because you call me the sharp shooter doesn't make it true. I have yet to hear you point out one of Keith’s many mistakes.”__

His voice cracks as he says Keith’s name and the pain floods back in, he’s near sobbing. Everything starts coming back in quick flashes…

_His mother’s hugs. ___

**_Keith’s high fives _ **...**__ **

_His papa’s delicious cooking. ___

**_Hunk’s nearly as good cooking... _ ****__**

_His sister Sofia’s beautiful smile. ___

**_Allura’s pretty smile... _ ****__**

_His uncle’s bad jokes. ___

**_Coran’s worse jokes... _ ****__**

_His brother Ben’s crazy idea’s ___

**_Pidge’s crazier ideas... _ ****__**

This was his family, he may have one on Earth but he is sure this will always be his family…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Until it wasn’t. ___

~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Shiro’s insults. _ ****__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why Now?” His voice was barely above a whisper broken and defeated. “Why now d-do I matter to you?” 

The world started to go dark and the last thing Lance saw was the paladins sobbing reaching for him as he fell into the darkness

~~~~~~~~~~~~

He awoke to the sound of gulls and laughter, the sound of children playing in the summer.  
He was on a beach along the ocean, He recognized it without hesitation…  
He grew up here, playing in the water, collecting shells from the sand, sunbathing on the dock. It hasn’t changed a bit from when he left for the Garrison.  
When looked around, He saw his Mama and Papa swinging on the old set, he saw his siblings splashing in the water, the youngest ones playing in the sand. He walked over to his mother and planted a kiss on her head. 

_“I love you mama, I love you...”_

He didn’t care that she couldn’t hear him, because he was home. _He was finally home. ___


	2. The Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is about the paladins breakdown kinda....it's hard to explain, just readdddd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I'm sorry this one is so short. this wasn't necessarily a filler but it won't have as much depth as the other chapters. Chapter three will be longer and more heartbreaking I can assure you. Klance is peaking through on this one a bit more so I hope you guys enjoy. (f.y.i I know there is Klance etc. but this fic is mainly gonna be on Lance and his homesickness/ Insecurities, just so you guys know) Thanks for reading!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coran was the one to catch him, he rushed from behind and caught the Cuban boy in his arms.

“Well than, he must have passed out from blood loss, we’ll throw him in a pod and he’ll be back on his feet in a jiffy” Coran inquired, hiding the shakiness of his voice. 

Pidge knelt down next to the body lying in Coran’s shaking arms, Checking his pulse they burst out in tears for they couldn’t feel anything.

“G-guys, there’s n-n-nothing…” their voice started cracking as her heart started breaking. 

“No...NO...NO!” Hunk was sobbing, voice on the verge of screams, “THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING, PLEASE , HELP ME PUT HIM IN A POD, CORAN PLEASE, PLEASE!!” 

They lifted the pale paladin into a pod. Never ceasing the sobbing and begging for his return to them. 

Allura covered her mouth holding back screams as tears ran down her face she sobbed along with Pidge as they held each other, whispering broken apologies about lost families between sobs. 

Coran held Hunk as he fell apart in his arms and they slid down the floor in front of the healing pod. Sobbing about losing a brother and a son.

Keith just stood there, shocked, heart-broken, _angry _. He has never been this angry before. Just pent up rage boiling over, all directed at one person.__

__“HOW COULD YOU?_ _

__Heads all around the room looked towards the sound of the yells._ _

__“YOU BROKE HIM, YOU MADE HIM FEEL WORTHLESS!” Something animal and raw tore from his throat as he lunged for the leader of Voltron._ _

__“I HATE YOU!” Keith was on top of Shiro in a heartbeat, clawing, punching screaming._ _

__“HE WAS FINE, HE WAS SUFFERING AND YOU...YOU WORKED HIM TO DEATH!”_ _

__Each sentence became punctuate by a fist slamming into Shiro as Keith lost all control and let go. All the pain, the anguish, the fury, the heart-break. It all poured out of him in the form of tears, screams and bruises._ _

__“WHY WON’T YOU FIGHT BACK YOU COWARD” The punches became weaker and the sobs became stronger. “YOU FOUGHT HIM ON EVERYTHING, WHY WON’T YOU FIGHT ME?” The fists came to a complete as Keith broke down, sobbing and screaming over his lost love._ _

__“T-this is all y-your fault.” his voice came out broken and cracked. “Y-you killed him. I-I hate y-you Shiro. I hate you”_ _

__Despite the blood and bruises on his face, and despite the hurt in his chest caused by the red paladin's words and fists. He reached up and pulled him into a tight hug, The younger sobbed into his chest, breaking over a lost love._ _

__Holding him steady as he could, The Black Paladin also began to break down, at first it was only unsteady breathing, then came the tears rushing down his face.  
Now the castle was silent, and all you could hear was the sobs coming from a team mourning one of it’s own_ _

__The silence, the silence was suffocating and deafening. Until the noise that cleared the storm brewing in their hearts rang out. Pidge was the first to hear it, they held their breath waiting for it one more time. After hearing it again they sunk, more tears than ever gushed out of their eyes as a smile grew on their face._ _

__Coran was the second to hear it, to hear the slow and steady ping fill the room with hope. He pulled the yellow paladin closer and spoke the news with a soft voice._ _

__Allura and Shiro heard it second, over the chaos going on in their own heads they heard the ping ring out and calm the storm. The leaders broke once again, not out of grief, but out of hope._ _

__The Red Paladin was the last to hear it, to hear the ping that silenced everything in the room, in the castle, _in space_. He refused to let himself hope, he refused to hear it. He stood and rushed to the pod that held the one he lost, the one they all mourned.  
Hearing the pings ring out against the metal castle, he collapsed to his knees. Crying and smiling. He no longer had to hope, because that ping wasn’t one of sadness. It was one of happiness, one of joy, _one of life_. __

______~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _

______Keith sat in the medical bay day and night, only leaving for the bathroom and meals. It has been five days, _five excruciatingly long days _, that Lance has been in the healing pod. But it was worth it because it would all be over soon. He will be out in two days._ _ _ _ _ _ __

______In two short days everything will be back to normal, everyone will be happy and their little family will be whole once again._ _ _ _ _ _

_______But what if a certain Blue Paladin didn't want to be part of that family..._ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll get chapter three done as soon as I can, until then this is all I leave you with... sorry :'3


	3. Question!!??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wondering guys...

So would you guys like me to continue this piece of work? I'm not sure if i am if people dont want me too. I am also wondering if i should try to stick to the show's plot a bit more or would you liike me to continue on the way I'm writing. I also would like the focus more on the plot and less on the relationship but it will be there just not as prominent. I just want my son's to love themselves before they love each other. Sorry it's been so long. Just tell me what you think. All feedback helps!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!! This was my first piece on this site! If you want you can drop some comments or kudos!!! THANKS!!!!


End file.
